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Growing up in the foster care system was a journey that shaped every aspect of who I am today. It was a path filled with unexpected twists, deep emotional scars, and the constant battle between hope and despair. My story is not just mine alone—it's the story of countless children who, like me, have been thrust into a system that often fails to protect them. In this blog, I want to share my experiences and offer insights to current foster parents about the profound impact trauma can have on children in their care.
The Pain of Constant Displacement
One of the most challenging aspects of growing up in foster care is the constant displacement. Moving from one home to another, never having a place to call your own, creates an overwhelming sense of instability. As a child, I often felt like a piece of luggage being passed around, never staying in one place long enough to unpack emotionally. This constant movement can lead to feelings of worthlessness and fear, as each new home comes with its own set of uncertainties.
Each time I was moved, I had to start over—new faces, new rules, new expectations. The emotional toll of repeatedly saying goodbye to people I barely had the chance to know was exhausting. For children in foster care, this instability can make it difficult to form meaningful attachments, leading to a deep sense of isolation and mistrust.
The Hidden Trauma of Short Stays
Even short stays in foster care can leave lasting scars. I remember being placed in a foster home for just a week, but that week felt like a lifetime. The fear of being forgotten or lost in the system was overwhelming. Short stays, though brief, can create a profound sense of insecurity in children. They never know if or when they’ll be taken away again, making it difficult for them to feel safe or trust the adults around them.
For foster parents, it's important to understand that even short-term placements can have a significant impact on a child's sense of stability and security. These children need reassurance, consistency, and the knowledge that someone cares about their well-being.
The Unspoken Reality of Emotional and Physical Abuse
One of the darkest realities of my time in foster care was witnessing and experiencing physical abuse. The foster care system is supposed to be a refuge, a safe place for children who have already endured so much. But for many, it becomes another source of trauma. I remember crouching in the corner of a room, trying to make myself as small as possible as I watched other children being hit. The fear was paralyzing, and the helplessness was overwhelming.
This kind of abuse leaves deep emotional scars that can take years to heal. It creates an environment of fear and mistrust, where children learn that the world is not a safe place. For foster parents, it's crucial to create a home where children feel protected and valued. Understanding the signs of trauma and being equipped to address them can make all the difference in a child's life.
The Complex Relationship with Food
For me, stealing food wasn’t about hunger—it was about control. In a world where everything felt uncertain, where I had no say in where I lived or who I lived with, food became something I could control. It was a way to assert some semblance of power in a powerless situation. The act of stealing gave me a brief moment of security, knowing that I had something, however small, that was mine.
This relationship with food is not uncommon among children in foster care. For many, food becomes a symbol of security in a world where security is often lacking. Foster parents can help by providing consistent, nurturing meals and by understanding that behaviours like hoarding or stealing food are not just about hunger—they're about a deep-seated need for control and stability.
The foster care system is supposed to be a refuge, a safe place for children who have already endured so much
The Challenge of Navigating Emotions and Physical Touch
Growing up, I struggled with understanding and expressing my emotions. There was a disconnect between what I felt and how I could communicate it. This often led to moments where I would either shut down completely or react in ways that I didn’t fully understand. Physical touch was another complex issue. While I craved connection, the act of someone reaching out to comfort me often felt overwhelming or even threatening.
For children who have experienced trauma, emotions and physical touch can be incredibly complicated. Foster parents need to approach these children with patience and empathy, understanding that their reactions may be rooted in past traumas. Building trust takes time, but with consistent care and support, these children can learn to navigate their emotions and form healthy attachments.
Overcoming the Overwhelm at School
School was another battleground for me. Sitting in a classroom, surrounded by other children who seemed to have it all together, I often felt the walls closing in around me. The fear and anxiety would build up until it became unbearable, and I would have to escape. This overwhelming sense of dread made it difficult for me to focus, to learn, or to feel like I belonged.
For foster children, school can be a source of additional stress. The challenges they face at home often spill over into the classroom, making it hard for them to keep up with their peers. Teachers and foster parents need to work together to create a supportive learning environment where these children can thrive. Understanding the impact of trauma on learning and behaviour is key to helping foster children succeed academically.
A Message to Foster Parents: The Importance of Trauma-Informed Care
As a former foster child, I know firsthand the impact that trauma can have on a child's life. But I also know that with the right support, these children can overcome their past and build a brighter future. Foster parents play a crucial role in this process. By understanding the realities of trauma and providing a safe, nurturing environment, you can help these children heal and grow.
Trauma-informed care is not just a buzzword—it's a necessary approach to foster parenting that acknowledges the complex emotional needs of children who have experienced trauma. It means being aware of the signs of trauma, understanding how it affects behaviour, and knowing how to respond in a way that supports healing. It means recognizing that every child is different and that what works for one child may not work for another.
But most importantly, it means offering love, patience, and consistency. Children in foster care need to know that they are valued, that they are safe, and that they are loved. They need to know that someone is in their corner, no matter what.
Giving a Voice to the Voiceless
Sharing my story is not just about reflecting on my past—it's about giving a voice to the countless children who are still in the system, still facing the same challenges I did. These children are not just statistics; they are individuals with hopes, dreams, and the same need for love and security as anyone else. By raising awareness and providing support, we can help these children navigate their trauma and build a brighter future.
Foster parents, you have the power to make a difference. By being trauma-informed, by offering stability and love, you can help these children find their way in a world that has often let them down. It's not an easy journey, but it's one worth taking—for the sake of the children who need you the most.
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